Clutch was born in March of 1980, moments before the eruption of Mt. St. Helens. A precursor of great things to come, Clutch would memorably win the World Wrestling Federation Championship at WrestleMania by body-slamming the legendary Andre the Giant. The Giant was overheard after the match exclaiming, “Wowee, what a specimen!” Later, Clutch would homer off Dennis Eckersley in the bottom of the ninth of game 1 of the 1988 World Series, propelling the underdog Dodgers to the title.
The nineties would prove a more reflective and artistic period for Clutch, as he coined the term “Chillax,” and later penned the screenplay for The English Patient. After this, he spent several years in isolation communing with nature, during which time he probably fought some bears and taught a squirrel how to read. He returned to society in time to put cameras on cell phones, and later avocados on toast. He then spent several years touring under the pseudonym “Lady Gaga”.
Currently, he is coaching at Milo Fitness Factory, where his dedication to physical performance and general excellence has transformed numerous lives and helped the economy rebound from record inflation. His dynamic training style and saucy mustache have endeared him to the local community, who revere him as a mentor and father figure, even though he’s not even that old, really.
In the future, Clutch will dismantle the totalitarian empire of killer robots run rampant and defeat the looming threat of space nazis. But before Clutch punches out Alien Hitler while wearing the Captain America uniform he won at the World Series of Poker, he’s on a mission to make your day at the gym just a little better. He also enjoys board games, golf, and ska covers of 80s pop tunes.